I was recently teaching a Leadership Coaching workshop where the participants and I discussed the idea proposed by writer, Simon Sinek, that ‘leaders eat last’. Sinek’s argument is compelling: Leadership comes with both perks and costs, but to get the perks (higher salaries, increased decision-making opportunities, public regard, etc.), leaders must be willing to pay the costs (running into danger first, creating a safe and welcoming environment for staff, providing cover for staff, etc.). In so many ways, Sinek’s argument makes sense. Then, during the conversation a participant asked: What if the leader is starving?

It is a fair question. How do leaders ‘pay’ the ‘costs’ of leadership when they themselves are not well?

At Credence, we hear again and again how close to burnout many leaders are. How did we get here? Leaders are on the brink of burnout at the very time in history when we need more from our leaders not less.
In the runup to the recent Canadian federal election, the Globe and Mail ran an editorial describing the skills that Canada’s new prime minister would need.

The piece reminded me of job ads I’ve read for leadership positions in various organizations: Leaders must have vision, insight, resolve, and be competent all while exhibiting high degrees of emotional intelligence. Leaders must be kind and honest. Leaders must never have a bad day. Most importantly, leaders must understand how to steer their organizations through uncertain economic times amidst global uncertainty and societal polarization. In short, leaders must be superstars. The expectations on leaders are substantial.

One of the challenges facing leaders is that in our current social context all leaders are change leaders, whether or not the organizations they lead are officially in a change management mode. We are living in a complex social context: over the past 25 years, geo- and sociopolitical changes have been rapid, leaving a weary society in their wake. As for the sources of these changes, we can point to the internet, social media, the climate crisis, political instability, a shift in social norms, and changing worldviews. While at least some of these sources of change can feel removed from our lives, they have a direct impact on how we are doing – in our organizations, communities, and in our own being.

When people are in the midst of significant change, they tend to fall into ‘us-them’ ways of thinking becoming vulnerable to polarization; they tend to look for leaders to help them out of their unease; and they become especially needful of care even as their ability to care for others (including their leaders) decreases. In this mix of conflicting emotions and high need, people’s expectations that leaders should ‘get it right’ rapidly increases.

For leaders, this is a challenging moment: Leaders, too, are riding the change curve and are in need of care at the very moment when others place high demands for care and competence on them.

Indeed, many leaders report that few people are willing to offer them grace when they are unable to meet these high expectations.

Over the years, I have had the privilege of coaching multiple leaders who have been hired to act as change agents in their organizations. At some point, every leader reaches a point where they say: “I can’t do it anymore”, whether because of resistance from staff, the need to make tough decisions, self-doubt, or high expectations that feel impossible to meet. It is no wonder that leaders feel defeated. The writer, Peter Steinke, states: “Leadership involves the capacity to tolerate pain”. I agree with Steinke but am inclined to expand his statement to say: “In times of change, leadership involves the capacity to tolerate great pain”.

It is in the moment that leaders feel they “can’t do it” anymore that leadership really starts. When we come to the end of ourselves, our egos fall away, and we are compelled to draw on deeper resources of strength we did not know we had.

There is a focus that emerges in these leadership moments alongside a purity of heart. While this is not how we often speak in the business realm, it is these two characteristics – focus and heart – that best describe these types of change leaders. These leaders are focused, perhaps even driven, and because success is no longer about their egos, focused leadership becomes paired with a calm, caring presence – one capable of ‘eating last’.

Is this vision of leadership possible when leaders are starving? Not easily. For leaders to eat last, they must nourish themselves regularly so that, when it matters, they can allow the people they lead to “eat first.” What does leadership nourishment look like? In one word: community.

Conclusion

Effective leaders do not lead alone. Instead, they draw from a community of support – leadership colleagues (within and outside of their organization), coaches, counselors, and other support professionals – to become the leaders they need to be, so the people they lead can become the people they need to be – ultimately to allow the workplace to be the place that it needs to be, in order to effectively pursue its unique vision and purpose in the world.

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Supporting Leaders, Engaging Teams. Transforming Organizations.

Leadership can be tough, especially in times of change. Credence coaching provides a caring space to reflect, gain clarity, and grow with confidence, so you can lead well and be well. Let’s talk about how Credence can support you through coaching.