Over the past several years, I have been invited to give several talks on the topic of loneliness and belonging – including to congregations. In a world where so many feel lonely, creating communities of belonging is a missional act, especially given the mental and societal health implications that flow from feelings of loneliness. Congregations are especially well-poised to create communities of belonging, given that most congregations already invest in activities that naturally build community.
Community-building initiatives also tend to be more sustaining when they are imbued with meaning. In this respect, again, congregations tend to do well. Most congregations are also grounded in their commitment to “love their neighbour as themselves.” This commitment alone can drive congregations to ensure their community is a place that fosters genuine welcome and belonging.
Despite a natural inclination to community-building, many congregations struggle with creating communities of belonging. When I work with congregations, I often hear the following:
“We are good at initially welcoming people, but we don’t know how to do second stage welcome – we don’t know how to turn welcome into belonging.”
“They think they are good at being welcoming but I’ve been here for years, and I’ve never been able to break into the social groups in this place.”
“ I feel so alone here. There is no one here with whom I can be truly honest about what I am experiencing.”
“We are nice to each other here, but our conversations don’t go beyond the weather. I don’t feel like I can be real here – about my life or my questions about spirituality.”
A community of belonging is a place where people and the life stories they carry are welcomed and included. When I ask congregants what a community of belonging looks like to them, they offer:
“A place where I can bring my full self – including my pain and sorrow.”
“A group where conversations go deeper than the weather and where it is possible to talk about questions related to faith.”
“A community that mixes – where people don’t just talk to those they already know.”
“Now and then, to be invited to something by someone in the congregation.”
While many congregations want to be places of belonging, it can be difficult to translate intention into action. The following are suggestions for congregations that want to strengthen their ability to create a community of belonging:
1. Welcome begins at the front door – and the space beyond the front door.
Many years ago I attended a church that had been renovated so often, the passageway from the front door to the sanctuary was long and winding. To help newcomers find their way, the church placed a greeter at every corner. By the time a guest reached the sanctuary, they were greeted five times! I still think of this congregation as the most welcoming church I have ever visited. In addition, this church appointed one person every Sunday to prepare enough soup and bread to serve about 6 people, in order to invite any newcomers following the service to their house for dinner, alongside a few additional congregants to fill the table.
Most congregations I have visited place people at the front doors to shake hands with old timers and newcomers alike. Beyond the front doors, however, who greets guests in the hallway, the cloak room or the entryway into the sanctuary? “Planting” appointed greeters and people of welcome throughout the church’s floorplan and across the hours the congregation gathers (and Sunday lunch) can ensure guests feel welcomed.
2. Ensure your worship is genuinely welcoming.
Years ago, two professors at Wilfred Laurier University said it this way: Is your church more like a peach or a coconut? 1 A peach is easy to bite into and there is something solid in the middle; a coconut is hard to bite into and there is nothing solid in the middle. I have attended worship services where it is clear that the people leading the service have not considered the possibility that someone new (or someone who has been away for a while) may be in attendance.
Exclusion can happen with what may appear to be minor twists of phrases or even with someone’s speaking style. Consider the following examples: Inviting only those who brought food to the potluck; forgetting to meaningfully and joyfully welcome those that have gathered for worship; using language that suggests everyone belongs to the same heritage or social demographic; forgetting to project one’s voice limiting the ability of those in the back to hear. For those leading worship, it is worth asking, “How will my words and my leadership stance create a sense of welcome and belonging – for those who are old timers among us and for those who are newcomers?”
3. Teach your people about welcome.
Several years ago, a new friend described how she visited church after church in her community looking for a place to attend. In each congregation, aside from the usher, no one spoke to her. Finally, she attended a congregation where a woman ran toward her after the service to ensure she felt welcomed. My friend is now a vibrant part of that faith community.
For most people, it is difficult to know how to talk to the newcomer in the pew next to them. It is even harder to “chase” after a newcomer to ensure they feel welcome. Most people need sentence starters, tools, and strategies to know how to be welcoming. For congregations that are serious about being places of belonging, it is worth teaching the skills of welcome to congregants.
4. Break down the walls that divide.
I have worked with congregations where congregants describe the church as having in-groups and out-groups. More than once, someone in the in-group has said to me: “If those people want to belong, why can’t they form their own social group?” Unfortunately, creating sub-groups of belonging is not that simple. In-groups and out-groups function more like social classes than social groups. As a result, in-groups typically have more access to power and a greater ability to influence the direction of the congregation.
Further, these groups, by virtue of being “in,” can miss seeing that they have fallen into the trap of in-group language (e.g., publicly planning events that exclude others). While it is natural for affinities to emerge between congregants, congregations can break down the walls that divide by organizing activities that naturally mix existing social groups. Where the divisions between congregants are deep and persistent, congregations can address the chasm directly, inviting congregational learning regarding social groups as social classes and inviting a transformational, welcoming energy to take hold in the congregation.
5. Speak to the loneliness.
More than once ministers have told me that they do not preach about life’s deeper questions. Two ministers told me that they don’t know what to say about hard life questions, and as a result, prefer preaching sermons that stay with themes that are easy. One told me he did not like drawing parallels to modern life’s questions and instead preferred exegesis, preaching through the books of the Bible, one or two verses per Sunday. In each of these congregations, congregants expressed desperation for conversations and sermons that explore big questions – with the minister and with other congregants.
Both old timers and newcomers can feel lonely in churches where few people engage in meaningful conversations about life’s bigger questions, when only the minister speaks about spirituality, and/or when people feel they cannot bring their full selves to conversations at church, including about spirituality. This does not mean conversations about the weather are unwelcome. It does mean, however, that to create a community of belonging, it is important that the life of the church (sermons, coffee hour conversations, small groups, and other gatherings) creates opportunities for people to explore life’s deeper questions.
Conclusion:
Unfortunately, congregations don’t simply become oriented around belonging, despite best intentions. Developing a congregational culture of belonging involves a deep commitment grounded in theological foundations, alongside an investment in the practical strategies and skills that can help congregations reorient their culture around belonging. In a world that is lonely, becoming a community of belonging is a missional and countercultural act, a gift-offering for newcomers and old-timers alike.
1. “Churches That Grow Tend to Adhere to Conservative Theology, Researchers Say.” The Globe and Mail, November 18, 2016. Read article.
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Originally published in October 2025